Update on Sam
I didn't realize how many people kept up with Sam and read his blog until I slowed down with the updates. I have had so many calls. Sam continues to struggle each day; his quality of life certainly is not good and that is very hard for Sam to handle. He has just done and accomplished so much in his lifetime. He will be the first to tell you that he has had a very good life. Our pastor, Art Luckie, dropped by yesterday afternoon and he still couldn't believe that Sam designed and drew the plans for our house so that practically every room had a view of the water. Art asked me if I planned to stay here in Demopolis and I told him absolutely. Even though I don't have any family here, I don't think I could leave something that meant so much to Sam. It is just too much a part of both of us and I will cherish all of the memories. Sam use to tell me when I was afraid to do something like skiing barefoot or some of his daredevil things that he use to enjoy like boat racing - " you are building memories that you will have with you forever". He loved making memories and loved to talk about them.

Sam had a very rough day yesterday. He was running a very low grade temperature and having difficulty breathing. Hospice had tried several times to get him to use some oxygen and he finally agreed. It is hard to imagine someone that could run 15 to 20 miles a couple of years ago to be on oxygen now fighting for his life. Life sure can be unfair sometimes. I read a tribute to Mother Teresa last week and she was quoted as saying "I know that God will not put more on me than I can handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much". I'm about to feel the same way.

This has been an unbelievable nightmare for the past 23 months and I don't know how much longer Sam has. He is incredibly strong and unbelievably stubborn - he still insists on climbing the stairs every night to take his shower. He doesn't like the one in our master bedroom. So last night he climbed the stairs and I followed with the oxygen. We make a good team!!

My prayers are still with all of you and especially with Dan and Chris as they are at a stage where these difficult decisions have to be made pertaining to quantity vs quality of life. It's not easy. Kelly - glad you are home and sleeping in your bed. Hang in there!

Difficult Days
I find it very hard to write anything anymore. When I read Chris Peterson's blog this morning about Dan, I could almost copy it and post it about Sam. My heart goes out to both of them because I do know exactly the emotions that they are feeling. I can't imagine facing anything in life that is more difficult than this.

Sam becomes more confused everyday and that is so hard to watch. I have never known a person that was so disciplined or had so much control of mind over matter but that has been taken away. I too thought it might be the medication but I am really not sure anymore. He is taking 8O mg of Oxycodone four times/day but Hospice tells us that other cancer patients take so much more than that. He was alternating 40 mg and 80 mg but that wasn't managing the pain; it seems to me that when we increased the dosage, his confusion did get much worse.
He hasn't eaten anything in two days; when he doesn't eat, I don't eat. It's hard to find much pleasure in eating or anything anymore. We still need everyone's prayers. I know that God will give us the strength that we need; I'm sure of that.

No Better but No Worse
I haven't posted anything lately because there really hasn't been any change. Sam is very weak, weight is down to about 134 and continues to not eat much. I make a fruit salad with watermelon, strawberries, peaches, blueberries and bananas and top it off with a boiled custard and that is just about all I can get him to eat. Occasionally I can persuade him to eat a scrambled egg but not often. He enjoyed watching the World Cup playoff and of course he is always in front of the T.V. when NASCAR is running (he certainly would have preferred Dale Jr. to win this weekend instead of Jeff Gordon).
Hospice is only coming by once/week to check his vital signs. I don't know if it is because he was a runner for so many years or what, but his vital signs are absolutely perfect. Sam is so easy-going that I'm sure his blood pressure has never been elevated in his life. He handles stress so well - I on the other hand have never had that luxury. I am still trying to work; I take a long lunch break and go home to check on him. I am still praying for a miracle and strength from God to handle whatever our future holds. I read everyone's blog everyday and pray for all of you. Hang in there!!!
P.S. Sam's cousin came all the way from Tallahassee this weekend just to bring him some boiled
peanuts. Thanks Ed and Nancy; we really enjoyed seeing you.